Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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