ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
