we have officially lost it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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