but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize