I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
God, I missed his penis.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
