matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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