No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize