I saw his package. It spoke to me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
