Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
