i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
