I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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