I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
