VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
