When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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