If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize