so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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