WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
two words...techno handjob
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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