please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
