o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The air taste purple.
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