Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
