walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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