I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
