I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
