Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
