And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
