if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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