it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
