anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
