ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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