drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
