A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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