THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
