dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
