This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
