I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
