Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize