I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
