You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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