She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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