ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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