His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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