i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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