i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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