U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
