Say something about gay babies.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
