Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Couch. On fire.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
