The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
