I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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