There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
