omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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