his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
