turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
