Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
