last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My pussy is not your playground.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You did what with his pubic hair?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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