ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
