So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
