wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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