God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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