jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
