I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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