I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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