You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
this is an emotional support booty call
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
