I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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