just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
