and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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