On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
