I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
