So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
