I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
