She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's the barista slut.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
