THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
