youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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