I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
