So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
