I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
