highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
