every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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