sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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