Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Drake has all the answers
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
