Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize