is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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