I am in a vortex of obligation.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize