batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
