so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
