Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
