so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
