I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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