It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
