i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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