Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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