R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
