I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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