Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
