I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
