Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have tasted many bathrooms
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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