Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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