**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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