do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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