The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
