final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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