but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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