Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Randomize
