I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
