You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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