Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize