ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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