Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
